Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
