babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me they were just razor bumps!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
