We won't sleep together?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize