Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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