i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
