No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
