Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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