Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
