Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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