I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize