Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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