the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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