I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
