HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
