I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
