I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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