Quick, to the slutcave!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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