I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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