apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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