Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
