Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
