God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
