The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
