She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
