just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize