She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
