Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
