Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Randomize
