i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
