I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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