I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
