As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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