Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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