His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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