I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
