was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
