So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
