did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
