why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
