I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
