She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
