Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
