I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
