I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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