Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
