I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
