we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
