I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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