So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize