You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
