Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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