i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
