I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
