Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Randomize
