So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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