I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize