After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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