Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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