Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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