so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
