this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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