oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
