i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
