Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
