having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
