the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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