she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize