you didnt know i had herpes?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
