You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
